That's one of the challenges of life, Mckenzie. Here's what I know for sure. I don't know what path is always right for me, but GOD ALWAYS KNOWS. He just expects us to think it through first.

You probably are very familiar with this great counsel in the Doctrine & Covenants: "You have supposed that I would give it [the answer] unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me. But, behold...you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it shall be right I will  cause your bosom to burn within you; therefore you shall feel that it is right." (D&C 9:7-8)

I love how clear the Lord's instruction is! And there's your answer:

Study it out. I am the queen of "pros & cons" lists. Make one for your study abroad option. Look at all the aspects of going vrs. staying home for the summer. Weigh it out in your mind. Spend time really thinking about it. Then,  and this is the hard part, make a decision. Just make a decision.

Ask Him. Once you've made the decision, take that decision to your Father in prayer. Talk to Him about it. REALLY talk to Him. Let Him know what you've decided and why and ask Him to let you know if it's right.

Stop & listen. Don't expect an answer immediately (though it might come that fast), but pay attention to how you feel. One thing I know for sure, Mckenzie...when we are living right and doing our best, God will NOT let us do something that is not right. He gives us our agency to choose, and so we have to think it through for ourselves. But, He'll let you know if your decision is right. He will. 

Let me know what you decide...and what He confirms!

"I live in a small town. I have for 16 years. But, I moved two years ago to a different state and made a lot of friends there. I've moved back and I see how much I grew and how awesome it was and I just hate being back here. I don't like my new ward and I haven't connected with anyone. I'm really close to my family and my mom and I talk all the time, but I'm really struggling with being happy with where I am right now in life. Any suggestions?"

Well, my parents decided it would be a real great idea to move me when I was 16. I left all my friends and my life in a small town in Kentucky and moved to a city outside of St. Louis, Missouri. It was hard. And I mean HARD. I was close to my family too but I sure wasn't very happy with my parents for making the move.

When I know that I am where the Lord wants me to be, I am happy. I am. Because I trust that where He wants me to be is where I SHOULD be. And, because I believe God WANTS me to be happy, I trust Him to have me where I can be happy. I know that might sound so simple, but it is one of the main principles for my life.

I didn't always feel that way. That first year in Missouri was HORRIBLE. I didn't even try to make friends, really. I wasn't happy and to be honest, I almost didn't want to be happy. But, in time, once I was willing, the Lord showed me that's where I needed to be.

You said you can see the growth you experienced in the last two years. What if you knew that the Lord moved you back so you could experience even greater growth?

What if you knew that the Lord has people here He needs you to meet?

What if you knew that He has great things planned for you this summer and you needed to move back to experience all the amazing things He has waiting for you?

Would that change how you feel?

Go read one of my very favorite scriptures, Doctrine & Covenants 58:3.

I promise, Mckenzie, that you really truly can't even imagine all the great things He has planned for you. Trust Him...and be happy.

Let me know how it goes...

I was in Toronto (Ontario, Canada) last week for a work trip. (Any of you from Canada?) I LOVED the city. It was so diverse and incredible. And I took a day off to just explore the city with my friends. Good times.

In the middle of the downtown, there is a little park in the middle of a major mall and a lot of office buildings. In the middle of the park is a labyrinth made in the cement with different colored stones. A labyrinth is kind of like a maze but it has no dead ends...just a beginning and an ending.

There was a sign that explained the labyrinth and the tale that if you think about a question or a problem you're having, and if you start at the beginning, by the time you get to the end, you will have figured out the answer. The sign tells you to walk at your own pace and just quietly think.

One of my friends didn't do anything. She just sat in the middle of the labyrinth.
My other friend started at the beginning but got bored before she reached the end.

I started somewhere in the middle and ended up walking out the entrance.

None of us  followed the instructions.

None of us got our answer.

Now, I don't personally believe in "the power of the labyrinth" or anything. But, I HAVE had some things on my mind and some answers I've been needing. And the labyrinth experiment really taught me something.

Sometimes I want to just sit and not do anything, just hoping the answer will come to me or the problem will solve itself.

Sometimes I start on a journey to get my answer but I get tired of trying to figure it out and I give up.

Sometimes I look for a short cut (like starting in the middle of the labyrinth) and then end up right back where I started.

But, when I follow the instructions, I get my answer. EVERY TIME. It might take more effort and time than I would like, but eventually, I get the answer.

I know YOU have questions and problems, because many of you have submitted things you are worried about...or questioning...or wondering. I'm SO glad you've joined me here. And, I want you to know that I am reading every one and I'll be posting a lot in the next few weeks.

And, in the meantime, I invite you to think about my "labyrinth experiment". What are  YOU doing to try and find your answers?

Are you sitting in the middle waiting? Are you giving up half way through? Are you trying to start in the middle?

OR are you willing to do the work to figure out what Heavenly Father wants for you? What He wants you to know?

Because one thing I know for sure...He has the answers and He'll give those answers to you. It might take some time. But even though you and I might not be able to  figure it out, He knows EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. And He'll help us. He'll answer us.

I KNOW that is true.

"You have supposed that I would give it [the answer] unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me. BUT, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind, then you must ask me if it be right, and if it be right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right." (Doctrine & Covenants 9:7-8)

(The rest of Emily's email says this: "I don't want her to do anything that might result in some very serious consequences. I don't see her often but when I do, I think that she is getting farther and farther away from where she REALLLY want to be. Some of her friends scare me and I just wish there was a way I could help her.")

I have been thinking about you and your cousin a lot. You said she is your same age. 13 is young...and there is a whole life ahead...a whole life of really great and good and happy things. But, we also are smart enough to know that life can be hard and  sad things can happen that cause pain. When we don't know what to do with that pain, sometimes we seem to turn that pain on ourselves.

The fact that you have noticed your cousin is in trouble says so much about you. And OF COURSE you want to do something to help. 

The best thing you can do, and I know this sounds like the "easy" answer but it really is the best thing to do, is to pray. I think we underestimate the power of prayer. Do you remember the story of Alma the younger and the sons of Mosiah? They were in real trouble and were definitely getting farther and farther away from who they really were. But the Lord intervened and helped them and said it was because of the prayers of the people and Alma's father (Mosiah 27:14). So if you are not already praying, start now. Pray hard. Pray that your cousin will get the help she needs. Pray that her parents will know what to do. Pray that YOU will know what you need to do to help.

It sounds to me like you think a lot of your cousin and she obviously isn't thinking very much of herself right now. Think of how much it might mean to her to know you are concerned about her...to know you are praying for her. You might want to write her a letter and share with her who you know she is. Sometimes we need others to remind us that we ARE daughters of a Heavenly Father who LOVES US. Look for scriptures that are a reminder of our identity (one of my favorite things to do...Romans 8:16-17 is a classic) and create something for her to put in her room that she will always see.

Ultimately though, Emily, your cousin really needs help. And she probably needs professional help beyond anything else you might be able to do to for her. Talk to your parents and tell them you are concerned. Counsel with them about what you can all do to help her. With your parents and the Lord involved, you'll find your own answers.

Because the bottomline is that God is aware of your cousin right now. He is totally aware of this situation. He is concerned too. And He will do whatever He needs to do to help her...He just might be planning on using you to help her... so talk to Him...and listen.

I'm praying for your cousin...and for you too!

Keep me posted.

It's easy for me to list favorites of things. Maybe you've read my "about page". I list a lot of favorites there. But one thing that's hard for me to nail down is my favorite scripture.

In fact, some of the girls give me a hard time because when I speak, I often say, "this is my favorite scripture" or "I just have to share this favorite scripture" or "I know I already told you my favorite scripture, but this one REALLY is".

And so, I won't say this is my FAVORITE, but it's definitely my favorite right now. The New Testament is full of real gems...and this is perhaps the gemmiest (yes, that is a word...at least it is now!)

"Him that is able to do EXCEEDING ABUNDANTLY above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us." —Ephesians 3:20

WOW. Read that again.

I love that it's not talking about the Lord as "Him who is able to do just a little bit above all that we ask or think" and it doesn't even say "Him who is able to do a lot above". It says exceeding abundantly above. Do you know how much that is? That is more than a little...it's more than a lot...it's quite a lot more than a lot, in fact.

So, what does this mean for you?

Think of something that you really hope for...something you've asked for...something you really desire.

And I'm not talking about that cute boy in math class talking to you (though that can certainly be something you really hope for!).

And I'm not talking about getting a car for your 16th birthday (though that might be something you've really asked for).

And I'm not even talking about getting a scholarship to the college of your choice (though certainly that is a worthy thing to desire).

Though, if those things are important to you, they are important to HIM. You need to know that.

But, I'm talking about all the things that are in your heart...all the things you've prayed for, asked for, thought of. Now imagine being granted that thing you've prayed for, asked for, thought of. NOW imagine getting EVEN MORE than that.

He can do that.

He WILL do that.

It might not be given to you quite how you asked for it, or quite how you thought of it, but I can promise you that what he has waiting for you is better than what you can imagine. Yes, even EXCEEDING ABUNDANTLY above.

Doesn't that make you smile?
Doesn't that get you excited?

He doesn't just love you a little. He doesn't just love you a lot.

He loves you EXCEEDINGLY ABUNDANTLY above all that you think.

And this is quite a lot more than just a little...

So, here is the first thing you need to know about boys (and I have this on good authority). This might surprise you, but some of those same boys, if they had a "GoAskaDude.com" place to go? They would likely ask the same question about YOU.

It might go something like this: "So there is this totally cool girl named Carly who I want to be friends with but she appears to dislike me for no apparent reason."

Sometimes we just need to take the first step.

So, I figure if we're wondering about boys, we should actually seek their opinion. I contacted my friend John Hilton III (he's one of my "Links I Love" friends).

John's initial response was great. If these boys just don't like you and don't have any reason, WHY do you want to be friends with them? We want to preface this with a reminder that life is too short to worry too much about trying to befriend boys who aren't nice.

But, if you are just assuming they don't like you and they ARE nice guys and you are one of those great girls who wants to be friends with everyone, here are some of our thoughts:

-Ask them. John suggests that you might want to talk one-on-one with the boys. Say something like, "I've had the feeling that you don't like me very much and I wanted to know if I've done something that made you mad?" (Now, I personally would have rather babysat 5 sets of 2-year-old triplets when I was 16 then ask a boy that. BUT, John is pretty smart and if he thinks it might be worth a try, it just might be worth the try.) John says that this is good because if there IS a reason, maybe he could tell you.

-Be kind. Our next suggestion is my favorite. I'm a believer in the "kill them with kindness" strategy (and some of the boys I've known, I just about DID!). Whenever I've had someone in my life that I just thought didn't like me, if I wanted to befriend them, I would just wear them down (grin) by being kind. Even if they don't respond, say "hi" at seminary or school. Talk to them in Sunday School. If your ward is one of those where the guys sit on one side and the girls sit on the other, during opening exercises on activity night? Be brave and "break the barrier". Plop yourself down right in the middle of their side and ask one of the boys how his day was. Even if he acts like he doesn't care, secretly, he'll think it's very cool you did that. (and if you try something bold like that, we want to hear ALL about it!).

-Go to the scriptures. In 2 Nephi 32:3, we learn that the "words of Christ will tell you ALL things what ye should do." That's either true or it's not. ALL THINGS...even with boys. We suggest you tell the Lord about the situation, ask Him for help, and then open your scriptures. You'll find an answer. We know it (maybe the "war chapters" in Alma will be helpful!)

You know, when I was in high school there was a really great boy in my ward that never talked to me. Now, in fairness to him, I moved my junior year and wasn't very happy about it and so I didn't really go out of my way to be friends with the other youth (and, I was actually kind of shy and insecure then too). But, still, this particular boy appeared to not like me...for no particular reason...and so I never really made any attempts to like him in return.

The funny thing to me now is that whenever I go home for a visit and happen to see him at Church (now that we are both older and a little more mature), we actually have a lot to talk about. He's a great guy. I really like him...and I'm a little sad I missed out on being friends with him when I was 16/17. Maybe if I had been a little more brave, it would have been different.

I'll leave you with John's final thought...one of the reasons I think he's so great: "Be the best girl you can be. Don't worry if the guys ignore you or are rude. Sadly some guys are insenstive, and maybe your dealing with some of them. I think a key is to not let a boys opnion of you lessen you own sense of self-worth."

Amen, John. Amen!

So, Carly, you've got some options...let us know how it goes.

I've been getting lots of questions about boys...."how do I know if he likes me?" is a common question when it comes to members of the "other team".  And we'll definitely try and figure all that out. In fact, I'm getting together some of my favorite guys to share their "expertise".

But, before we go there, I thought I'd try something a little different on this one...

This time I have the question. And I want you to give the answer. Because once you know the answer to THIS question, the answers to the "boy questions" become a little less matter-of-life-or-death.

Ready?

How do you know your Father in Heaven loves you? And I don't mean just kind of cares about you. I mean really really loves you...so much that He probably has to stop Himself from showering you everyday with all the blessings He has waiting for you.

You repeat, every Sunday, these incredible words:
"We are daughters of a Heavenly Father who LOVES US and we love Him."

HE LOVES US.

Can you feel how true that is? Do you know that to your core?

I'll get us started:

•       When I say my prayers in the morning, my day goes better.
•       When I mess up, He lights the path back.
•       When I need to feel loved, He has a friend call.
•       When I ask Him to help me, He prompts my parents to talk to me.

So, share your answer...How do you know He loves YOU?

I really think one of the hardest things at this time in your life is figuring out relationships. It doesn't matter if it's with boys (and THAT'S a topic for another day!) or your parents or your brothers/sisters or other girls, sometimes it's hard to get it all right.

First, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with someone who is acting like a "mean girl". Sometimes we just aren't as nice to each other as we should be. I'm not sure why this girl is telling your best friend lies. Unfortunately, that is out of your control. She can do what she wants to do and your best friend has the choice to believe her or not to believe her.

So, what can YOU do?

Here are a couple of thoughts...

- You are going to have a lot of chances to have a lot of friends. Remember this experience and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Don't ever be a "mean girl". Don't tell lies about others.

- Just be you. The best way to combat lies about you, is to live the truth about you. If your friend doesn't see that the things she's hearing are not true, she must not know you very well. Just keep being you and she'll see the truth.

- Surround yourself with TRUE FRIENDS. What is a true friend? When Elder Richard G. Scott spoke for the first time at General Conference after being called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, he said, "I wish to share with you some of my most treasured friends, that as they have helped me, they may help you now and throughout your life." Check out the talk to find out more about these treasured friends..that can be YOURS too!

Hang in there, missy. Your truest friends will love and see the truth about you...the REAL CLAIRE!

It started out as as just a chip in my windshield window. It was a mark caused by the smallest of rocks. The chip really was small enough that it could have been easily repaired without replacing the whole windshield. If you catch it in time, they can put in a little subtance that seals the chip so it doesn't spread any further. You really can't even see the chip after the repair.

But, I've been so busy and it seemed like such a little thing. I knew I could let it go for just a little while longer.

But, I waited too long.

What started out as a little chip, almost overnight spread to become a 3-foot long crack across the middle of the window.

UGH! How did it get to that? If I had taken care of it when it was just a little chip, it would have cost me $20 and maybe 10 minutes.

Now, I'm looking at $200 and an hour. Where am I going to find either?

I was driving with some young women in my ward on a recent activity night. One of them noticed the crack (well, of course she did! It's THREE FEET LONG!!) and asked how it happened. But it wasn't me that answered her; it was the Spirit.

And here is what the Spirit taught me and the girls in my car...

We all sin. Some of these sins are "small" or "private" and can be taken care of between us and the Lord. Some of them are bigger and might involve another person. We might need to apologize or make amends to them (like when you hurt someone's feelings or "help" spread a rumor about another girl at school). But, some sins are serious enough that we can't make things right without some additional help. For times like that, the Lord has given us good Bishops to talk to so they can help us make things right...repair the chip.

When you've done something serious enough to talk to the Bishop, you usually know it. Have you had the nagging feeling and the uneasiness that just won't leave? That feeling comes from the Spirit and helps you be unsettled enough that you'll take action. Be grateful for that feeling and don't ignore it.

That nagging unsettling feeling is like that little chip. If you humbly go to your Father in Heaven in prayer and ask Him to help you have the courage to talk to your Bishop, you can STOP further damage. You can "repair" the chip. You can even repair it so it can't be seen!

But, if you delay taking care of the sin, what was a little chip can become a much bigger crack (and, like my windshield, it seems to happen overnight). Sure, the windshield can still be repaired (or replaced), but it will end up costing you more...more pain, more time, more unsettled moments without the peace of the Spirit.

Is there a "chip" in your life? It might have been caused by the smallest of rocks (or mistakes). Have you talked to Heavenly Father about it? If you are still feeling that nagging...if it still feels like the chip hasn't quite been repaired, talk to your Bishop. Tell him your concerns. Let him help you fix that chip in your windshield before it becomes a much bigger crack.

I promise you won't even see that chip anymore...once it gets repaired.

Saturday morning of this past General Conference, when Sister Elaine Dalton was called to be the new Young Women General President, I was so happy. I love Sister Dalton. I’ve only met her once but as soon as she shook my hand, I just knew she was someone I’d like to be friends with. You’d feel that way about her if you met her too. I’m sure of it.

You probably remember her, like my Laurel’s do, as the “marathon runner”. She has talked about her marathon experiences a few times when she’s spoken to us. And, in the recent YW General Broadcast, she shared the story of running up “Heartbreak Hill”. Do you remember that? She was feeling so alone in the Boston Marathon but there were people all along the way cheering her on. 

She talked about the importance of standing as a witness. And I started thinking of my friend Pam.

Sometimes it’s easier to “stand as a witness” when you don’t think you’re standing totally alone…when you know you have someone cheering you on.

I remember being at a friend’s house with a bunch of girls from school when I lived in Kentucky. One of the girls found a movie on tv and I knew immediately that this wasn’t a movie I should be watching. But, I sat there (my first mistake) and  kind of buried my head in a pillow, feeling sick to my stomach but not knowing what to do.

I finally got up to use the restroom. Well, really, I got up so I could go find a place to say a prayer. I knelt right there at the toilet and told Heavenly Father about the situation. I told Him I knew I shouldn’t be there but I didn’t know what to do…these girls were my friends and I didn’t want to be alone.

I got up and went back into the room (my second mistake). As soon as I sat down, my friend Pam (a girl who was very active in her Baptist church) turned to me and said, “do you want to go play checkers or something?” (Yeah, we used to play checkers!) I have NEVER felt such relief. Together we got up and left the room. And in time, a few other girls came in and joined us.

I think about that experience a lot. I assumed I was all alone in my desire to not watch that movie. Little did I know Pam didn’t want to watch it either.  But, I needed her encouragement to stand as a witness that night. She stood first and then I stood with her. And after that, I wanted to be a Pam for someone else.

Next time you need some courage to stand as a witness, be a Pam. You might think you are alone on Heartbreak Hill, but, there are others cheering you on, and more importantly, there are other witnesses waiting to stand up with you.  You just might need to be brave and stand up first.